My Space. My Life

When I was moved to a different site, I got depressed. I missed my comfort zone at the old site I came from. I missed my colleagues. It was a huge adjustment, different account, new set of people to adjust to, new environment, new everything. I went through a really tough time but the thing that got me through was the husband. His strength, his love and his support. He was there listening to me whine and constantly assuring me that I can do this.

He is going to the same thing right now. Being new in his job, he also misses his old friends, his old work schedule - basically his comfort zone. He called me the other day, out of the blue, just to talk because he was feeling so down. I felt for him. I knew what he was going through and I also knew that being there for him is the only way to get him through.

I guess, just as he is my anchor, I am his. Whenever I am lost, I look to him for strength and he does the same with me. This is one of the best things of our marriage, we are each other’s anchor.

Do you remember during interviews they often ask you this question: “How do you see yourself in the company __ years from now?” Well, I;ve been asking myself that question lately. Not for my career but with my life. You see, I am quite a dreamer. Everytime I travel to and from work, I daydream about a lot of stuff. My dream house, my dream car and a whole lot more. Now I asked myself that question, and here’s my most recent answer. I am saying most recent because this may still change but I hope not too much. Anyway, I see myself and the husband living in our dream house with hopefully a kid of our own. Not too big of a house but just enough for our family. I see myself as a stay at home mom to my kid enjoying his/her growing up years and travelling with me and the husband. Sigh! I’m feeling all giddy tuloy thinking about that dream of mine.

I have been away this weekend so my apologies for not posting. The husband and I spent the weekend over at my parents house. We had a blast, as usual, spending time with my family.

There’s great news about the move though. We might be buying instead of renting. I don’t know the full details yet and of course it will be subject to a lot of meetings and thoughts but at least, it’s an itsy bitsy step forward. I have never seen the husband gush about the move ever! He was so excited and so willing to move out. Please pray for us that we make the right decision about this. February is approaching fast!

I know I don’t often tell you how much you mean to me or how much I appreciate your whole being. But I do. I appreciate everything and everything about you, even though I don’t say it aloud. Thank you for always being there when I needed someone. Someone to talk to, someone to laugh with, someone to share my frustrations and anger and me not having to worry about what you think or whether I am talking your ears off. Simply put, you are my best friend. It’s sad that we only get to see each other every once in a while.

That said, I want you to know that you mean the world to me, more than you’ll ever know.

How do you even deal with infertility? Well I don’t know yet if I am infertile but it feels like I am. We have been waiting for that miracle for so long and yet it always seems out of reach. Top it off with monthly dysmhenorrhea and you do the math. It is just soo frustrating you know. To have always dreamed of having a family and yet never being given the chance while countless others just keep on aborting their babies. It’s just unfair.

Hello! So how is everyone?

I’m doing fine except I feel really tired and stressed from work. Enough to really make me want to quit. I work nights so I don’t get to see the husband. We don’t get to spend time except during weekends. On top of that, I don’t really enjoy what I am doing anymore. Oh, what to do? what to do? I can’t just quit work because the husband and I will be moving out from his parents house early next year. I’ve been wanting that for so long and yet I don’t know how long I can take the stress.

Okay, I know there’s no such word but that’s all I could think of to explain how my life has been for the past weeks. You know how it is, when you know you’ve been given the same amount of time as everyone’s else but it seems you don’t have enough. But hey, I’m not complaining here, I am perfectly happy of how things are going, I just wish I had more time, lol!

So what has kept me busy? Well, besides work, work and more work, the husband recently had an open cholecystectomy. He had been complaining of abdominal pains since last year but when we had it checked at the ER of a certain hospital, the doctor there said it was just dyspepsia. So when the husband had the abdominal pains quite frequently the past month, we thought he already had ulcer so we went to another hospital.

When the uppper abdominal ultrasound results came out, we got the surprise of our lives. He had a 2.9cm gallstone and his gall bladder was already inflammed. Needless to say, his doctor had him admitted to the hospital immediately to remove his gall bladder completely, along with the gall stone.

The husband is okay though. The operation was success. He is recovering and recovering fast. I thank God for that.

After a day of rest, I went back to work and worked I did! I had so many backlogs I had to keep up of a lot of things. Thank God I was able to keep up to speed with everything.

I know that it doesn’t really sound hectic, but i believe hecticness is different for every people. And I know it’s boring, but I’m happy - really! Happy where I am, content with how my career is going. Happy with how our family bonded after a serious issue a couple of months back. It is during these moments that I realize I may not have everything I want, but I am happy - content and happy.

I know I haven’t really updated in a while and I really am sorry. So many things came up.

1. Workload was extra heavy due to the shift bids. Imagine me staying at the office for 12 - 14 hours a day. Sheesh!

2. The husband was confined in the hospital for 5 days due to open cholecystectomy. A 2.9 cm gallstone and an inflammed gall bladder was the culprit.

I am still trying to find some balance between workload and taking care of my recuperating husband so please bear with me. I miss blogging though.

Change is never easy. It means letting go of what you’re used to and unlearning the wrong things you’ve learned since childhood. It’s about taking risks and walking the unknown path. Learning and unlearning along the way.

I know what we plan to do is all about change. Change of lifestyle and atmosphere. It is not easy I know, but this is something we have to do to grow. Things aren’t going too well here and I’ve tried and done my best to adapt but I guess everything (or everyone for that matter) has its limits and I have reached mine. If you know me, you probably know that I don’t usually give up easily. You know as well, that I think things through before making a big decision such as this one. But I have made up my mind and we both agreed moving out is the best.

If we want to start a family of our own. If we want to have financial freedom, then moving out is the best thing we would do. You don’t know how long I have prayed for this. How much I cried out to God to open your eyes to the truth. God has His plans and His time and I’ve always believed He knows what is best. I am thankful that you have finally opened your heart and eyes to what’s happening.

I am scared of what lies ahead but I am willing to take the risk, willing to jump, willing to learn and take the journey as long as I know I have God and you beside me, I will be fine. I am fearfully excited. I hope you are too.

How can I stop this? I know I have to but I can’t seem to stop. No matter how much I resist, I always end up giving in and feel bad after. Dear God, I pray for more self-control.